All married couples go through it at some point – you get lost in day to day life while shuttling kids to sports practices, diapers, laundry, and keeping the house together. Somewhere along the way, you lose the romance that you once had with your husband. You feel like you are stuck in a rut. People and priorities tend to change after having children. Your time is no longer your own and the responsibilities of caring for a family often get in the way of you and your spouse’s love life. Ask most busy moms, when we do have a free minute, we just want to decompress and have some time alone.
Another reason why romance fizzles out after kids is our own insecurities. After we have children, our bodies change. Not all of us can fit back into our pre-pregnancy jeans and even though it may just be a few pounds, many moms can find themselves feeling bad about their bodies and their self-esteem (and love life) suffers. If you don’t feel good about yourself, there is no way you are going to feel sexy for your partner. If you asked most men, either they don’t notice those few extra pounds or they don’t care.
Whether you are a busy mom or a mom just trying to get her sexy back, the following are some tips to set the spark that will fire up your relationship:
Put The Kids To Bed Earlier
Let’s face it, life is busy. We don’t always have the time to devote to our spouse like we should. Sometimes you have to make time. By pushing bed time for your kids up by a half an hour, you can have that half an hour to spend with your spouse uninterrupted. If you have small children, they probably won’t even realize it. Just having a half an hour to spend on your relationship each day can make a big difference. Deciding on what to do in that half an hour is up to you;)
Turn Off The Cell Phone, Computer and TV
It’s easy to get on the computer or behind the TV when the kids go to bed and before you know it, it’s time for you to go to bed. You get caught up in what friends are doing on Facebook that you ignore your spouse. It’s not good for your sleep habits and it’s definitely not good for your love life either. Turn off the electronic devices an hour or two before bed and take some time to chat with your spouse, take a bath together, or snuggle in bed. You will be surprised what a difference it makes!
Put on your sexy heels and a hot dress for no reason. Surprise your spouse with dressing sexy for him. If that doesn’t ignite a spark, I don’t know what will. Did you see the episode of Modern Family where Claire wears nothing but a trench coat to “pick up” Phil? Try it. I guarantee that he will love it!
Say I Love You
It sounds a little silly, but how often do you say I love you to your spouse? Most people just forget with the craziness of the day to say those three little words but they make all the difference in the world. Make sure you say I love you at least 5 times a day. You’ll see the difference in your relationship.
Schedule a Date Night on a Regular Basis
Hire a sitter or ask a family or friends to watch the kids for the night. Whether it’s once a week or once a month, make sure that you schedule a regular date night. This date night should be outside of your home and with no kids in sight. Get dressed up and go to dinner or do a movie. Don’t make it a double date either. It should be just the two of you. The goal is to reconnect, so get rid of the distractions for one night.
Don’t Keep Your Hands Off Each Other
We all get past the honeymoon stage in a relationship. After a while you forget to hold hands, give each other kisses, and even just touch each other. Start doing those things again. That feeling of closeness will help you get that old feeling back when you were first dating and couldn’t keep your hands off each other.
Do Something Nice For Your Spouse
There is nothing sexier than a man doing laundry or cleaning the house. Why is that? It’s because they are taking something that you usually do and helping you out. Similarly, small random acts of kindness from you can also make your spouse feel loved and appreciated.
Flirt With Each Other
Be playful and flirt with each other. Act like you did when you first met. Being playful with each other can jump start your relationship again. Chase each other around the room, tickle each other, be physical with each other. Send him a flirty text or email and see just how far it goes!
Work Out Together
It’s proven that exercise increases your metabolism and endorphins which help improve your mood and make you feel happier. Why not share that experience with your spouse? You will feel energized and ready for romance! Even if you don’t have time to work out for a long time, go on a walk together or find an activity that you can share together (without the kids).
Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff
It’s inevitable that you will get on each other’s nerves at some point of your relationship. Don’t hang on to old resentments or it will affect you. Try not to fight about small insignificant things. Just let them go. If you hold onto these little things, it will affect your relationship and it’s a romance killer. Next time your husband does something that bothers you, smile and ignore it!
Make Eye Contact
When you are talking, make eye contact. Look at each other, really see each other. It’s a great way to connect on many levels. It also makes the person feel special.
These tips should get you started on igniting that spark again. You don’t have to do them all of them at one time. It would be a little overwhelming and hard to sustain long term. Just pick one or two tips to start and build from there. That’s your homework for this week and make sure to enlist your husband, too! If both of you make an effort to work at your relationship then it will improve. You remember what it was like in the beginning of your relationship and it can be like that again. Relationships take work and aren’t always easy, but the rewards of working it out are worth it. There are health benefits to having a good relationship as well. Being in a bad or unfulfilling relationship is stressful and we all know what the effects of stress are in the long term.
Also, just try to remember one day the kids will be out of the house, life will settle down, and it will just be the two of you again. Making it through these years and keeping the spark alive is the key to a long and healthy relationship.
What do you and your spouse do to keep the spark alive? Have you tried any of these tips?
If you like more tips to spice up your relationship, click here to watch this short video by relationship expert Michael Fiore.